i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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