shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
