if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have feelings that need drinking.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
