Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
