So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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