it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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