i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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