this beer tastes like vomit already
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
