haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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