i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
