Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
