Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
