Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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