I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
