I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
