wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
