Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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