I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
