i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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