i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
