y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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