Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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