I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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