The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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