I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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