so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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