just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
