She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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