just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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