I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
