I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
