For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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