somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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