Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
