I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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