a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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