Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found your dick twin last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
