I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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