it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one two three fourrrrnication!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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