4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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