there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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