I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
