An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
