This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
