you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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