Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
