Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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