Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
