Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
