what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
