oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
