The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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