dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
