and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
