saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
