I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just pee around me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
