Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
