Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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