woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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