the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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