He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
