One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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