Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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