Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize