The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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