Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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