So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
