Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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