I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
