she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
