she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
